Nine things you must consider before adopting a child

Adoption is one of the most invaluable and generous gifts you can give to a child.

The decision will bring you so much joy and fulfilment in knowing that you are able to provide a child with a loving and supportive family.

However, adopting a child is a life-altering permanent decision that should not be made on a whim.

Here, we look at what you must consider before applying to adopt a child.

There are lots of legalities

The legal process of exchanging parental rights and responsibilities is complex, and can sometimes take a long time to approve.

Adoption agencies require a lot of documentation, so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork you’ll have to complete.

In your adoption application it is important to include copies of birth certificates, marriage licenses, and other documents.

Initially, you will be asked for the following information:

You will then have to have a medical report completed by your GP, to ensure that you are fit enough to cope with the rigours of parenting.

Anyone who wants to adopt a child must have a Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) check. Anyone over the age of 18 years who lives in the household must also have this check.

You will also have to pass a home study, where a social worker comes to your house to ensure that you and your environment are suitable to raise a child.

During the home studies, the social worker gets to know you and your family and spends time helping you think about what strengths you could bring to adoptive parenting.

The home study stage in the process will take around 90 days, but it varies case by case.

It will take a maximum of six months from your first contact with the local authority to the date that you go to the adoption panel.

Questions will vary massively depending on your situation but could include enquiries such as:

Once you have been accepted, all that is left is to wait.

The process can be long

There is no set timeframe for being matched with a child, and this can be difficult for people who have already endured so much on their quest to become parents.

Some people wait for weeks, and some people wait for years.

You have no control or way to speed up the process, and so patience is a virtue.

There are two main kinds of adoption agency: Local Authority (LA) and Independent Adoption Agency (IAA) – also known as a Voluntary Adoption Agency (VAA).

LAs are part of your local council, whereas IAAs operate as separate charities, such as Barnardo’s

The assessment processes undertaken by an IAA and by a LA are governed by the same laws and guidelines and will contain the same elements.

The main difference is that LAs tend to prefer to match you with a child looked after by the authority itself.

IAAs look for a suitable child all over the country.

You can find a list of agencies on the Adoption UK website or on the government-run YouCanAdopt.

YouCanAdopt recommend contacting several agencies to find the right one for you.

The adoption process can take a long time, and you want to make sure that your chosen adoption agency makes you feel supported and provides you with a lot of information and communication.

Age of the child

Babies and toddlers are often quickly snapped up by adoptive parents for a number of reasons. Often, adoptive parents simply want to raise the child with their core beliefs and values from a young age.

The competition means that adopting a child under the age of three may take longer than an older child.

However, most children in need of adoption are between the ages of 9 and 20.

Older children will need extra support and care, as they will often have memories of their birth families. They are developed enough to be aware that they are missing a family unit.

Older children will have more of an active role in the relationship you build together, and can teach you as much about their life and culture as you can.

Think about what would be right for you, and whether you would consider adopting a teenager who really needs the support of a loving family.

Does the child have siblings?

Around half the children waiting to be adopted are part of a sibling group.

These children would likely be keen to be adopted together, however it can be daunting for first-time parents to consider adopting more than one child.

However, adopting siblings may actually make your adoption experience easier. The children will be less intimidated and can settle in easier, plus you immediately get to enjoy a ready-made family.

How your pre-existing family feel

When considering adoption, it is important that you consider how your pre-existing family feel as it affects them too.

How does your partner feel? Are your parents okay with it?

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. However, ensuring that everybody in your family feels positive and enthusiastic about adoption will make the process a lot easier.

If you have any pre-existing children, whether they’re biological or adopted or through any other means, it is vital to ensure that bringing another child into the home will not negatively impact them.

If your child is a baby or suffers from long-term health problems will you be able to balance caring for that child and a new one?

Has your child vehemently protested the idea of a sibling? Keep in mind that single children can often whine ‘I don’t want a brother or sister’ but not really mean it – but you know your child best.

Cultural and racial differences

For many, the most important thing is simply to find a child who they can offer a safe and loving home to.

However, statistics show Black, Asian, and minority ethnic (BAME) children have a harder time getting adopted than white children and often remain in the system longer than their white counterparts.

The average white British child waits 919 days for adoption, but Black male children face the longest wait of 1,302 days, according to the Guardian.

You can adopt children from a different race to your own, but your social worker and the child’s social worker will want to understand your motivations and they’ll want to ensure that you will be able to meet the needs of that child.

John Simmonds, Director of Policy, Research, and Development at Coram BAAF, adoption and fostering academy, told Metro.co.uk in 2018 there are two issues that need to be taken into account in cases of interracial adoptions.

He said: ‘Firstly that where a child needs to be placed for adoption that they are placed and with the minimum of delay.

‘Secondly that there is a sensitive appraisal of the child’s heritage that also addresses the other issues that are a part of who they are – health problems, disability, siblings and age.

‘But we also need to acknowledge that we live in a society where oppressive and discriminatory forces are still at work. They are different to what they were in the 60s and 70s but that just means that this operates in a different way. 

Adopters need to understand this and be prepared to stand by their children, to be open and direct in recognising any issues the child may face from others and to support any exploration they need to make of their heritage – their ethnicity, culture, religion or language.’

Adoptive parents also need to be educated in even the most seemingly straightforward things, like haircare.

For example, white adoptive parents don’t always know how to properly care for their Black children’s hair, which requires a whole different treatment plan to their own.

These issues should not deter you from considering interracial adoption – but it is important you dedicate extensive time into researching how and if you can support the child.

The child’s biological parents

Adoptive children may want to know about or keep in contact with their biological parents.

It is totally normal and natural for children to be inquisitive and want to feel connected to that part of their identity.

Lines of communication with biological parents should be open and respectful on both ends.

You have to consider that you may have to develop a relationship with the child’s birth parents, but that does not take anything away from your status as their parent.

According to Adoption UK, contact with a child’s biological parents can have a positive impact on the adopted child and help them to understand their past and their identity better.

In 1976, the Adoption Act gave adult adoptees the right to access their original birth certificates.

Although, according to a study carried out by Adoption UK in 2020, found that 58% of adoptive families felt that contact with the biological family had been a destabilising factor in their family.

The decision is ultimately up to you and your child.

Finally, there will be an adjustment period

It is common for there to be a period of time where the adoptive family and newly adopted child need to get used to their new roles.

Just because you are experiencing difficulty adjusting, it does not mean that you made a bad decision.

Adjustment will occur in its own time, and is different and totally unique to each family.

Remember: adoption is a life-changing experience and will require permanent reflection, communication, and adjustment – just like the relationship between biological parents and children. 

Story by Evelyn Richards: Metro